From Ian to Diane

My dearest Diane,
How to summarise our life together?
We had more ups than downs
and loads more smiles than frowns
a lot of laughter and good natured banter
equal amounts of caring and sharing
a ton of happiness mixed with some times of sadness.
Compassionate and forgiving that was your life for living.
Selfless not selfish you nurtured us all and provided an
example on how to live ones life that was learnt by us all.
Hardworking, does not begin to describe the efforts you
made to ensure that all our needs as a family were met.
However, not just our family benefited from your kindness and loving nature
their friends did, and not only them but most people you came into contact with.
Our home was, and still is, welcome to all. Sometimes it felt that our extended family
had an extended family of it's own...and it did...and it does.
Occasionally strong willed...or should that be stubborn
"Well what else do you expect from a red head" you would say,
and I would just smile and give in. Another argument I wouldn't win.

And on that cold, dark, bleak, bitter, December day when they gave us the news "maybe 2 months"
You said "No way. I am not finished yet." ...and you weren't.
With a steely determination that reminded me of one of Winston Churchill’s wartime speeches
"We shall fight them on the Beaches" you fought back against this enemy within.
With a positive attitude and a lots of support from so many friends and family you fought an amazing battle
despite several setbacks you bounced right back with a "bring it on" attitude.
Your courage in the face of adversity humbled me and made me proud.
If I have half of your strength I may get over this.

In the end, unsuspecting, the unseen enemy crept up on you and like a coward in the night it started the final battle.
It was too many battles on too many fronts with so few resources that they overwhelmed you.
Helpless, I could but watch and hold your hand and with a slight smile on your face you slipped away from us.

I wondered about your smile as I looked at you.
It suddenly occurred to me that you were content with what you had done here and rightly so.
This last battle was nothing but a means to an end.
You did not give in, you did not surrender you just withdrew to regroup elsewhere and leave behind the enemy with a hollow victory.
What did this enemy achieve? Nowt.

Thats right Nowt. Zilch. Nothing.
The reason it achieved nothing was because you have left behind a legacy of love and achievement.
Our children (biological or not) and grandchildren (biological or not) have all grown up to be what we would expect and are both proud of.
Our great grandchildren will feel your influence from their parents.
An influence of love and nurturing. They in turn will carry on where you left off.
They may not have the privilege of your influence directly but indirectly they will.
You have been an example to us all and I miss you so much and I still reckon I love you the most.
I wish I could plant this kiss on your lips instead of your picture.

In the words of Dylan Thomas:

Every morning when I wake,
Dear Lord, a little prayer I make,
O please do keep Thy lovely eye
On all poor creatures born to die

And every evening at sun-down
I ask a blessing on the town,
For whether we last the night or no
I’m sure is always touch-and-go.

We are not wholly bad or good
Who live our lives under Milk Wood,
And Thou, I know, wilt be the first
To see our best side, not our worst.

O let us see another day!
Bless us all this night, I pray,
And to the sun we all will bow
And say, good-bye – but just for now.

Nite Nite Di XXX

A Tribute to Diane
from Ian

Diane Jenks 15/09/1958

On the 15th of September 1958 Diane was born the youngest of 5 sisters to Sam and Gladys James in Neston on the posh side of the Wirral peninsular.

She attended Liverpool Road Infants school  and started to make friends who would remember her all their lives.

Always a bit of a Tomboy. Di would be climbing trees and scrumping apples and getting dirty. I now know where Ann Marie gets her charachteristics from.

Diane's secondary school was Neston Comprehensive. In the netball team for Summers House, Her skill and teamwork made her a valued member of the team. Straight A's in Maths and keen a involvement in Athletics. In Music one of her reports states A good powerful voice with good intonation..... This was useful when getting me out of bed to go to work on those cold winter mornings. That, coupled with her cold feet, usually got me moving. 
However, as for Needlework, one of her reports states "Diane has little interest in this subject and in future she will be working on a project on child care which is apparently her interest. I wonder what Miss Dodd would say today if she could see the results of that child care project which has helped produce 3 Architects, A successful IT businessman, an Engineer, A talented web designer and a globe trotting Adventure sports Instructor. All of whom would make any mother proud.

It was around this time I first met Diane. She would baby sit for my first wife and I whilst we went out with her eldest sister Pam and my best mate Stuart. Little did I know what the future had in store.

Then it was off to work at 16 to help provide the bread for the family table. Putting the bread on the table was quite easy because she was working at the Sayer's bakery shop in Town. 

Di soon noticed that there was room for improvement in the shop, so using her loaf she soon improved the branch performance. Someone once commented mischieviously that there appeared to be a coincidental connection between the reduction in food that had to be thrown away and the apparent slight increase in her weight at the time.... a comment that Di always denied. Di was soon  promoted to branch manageress. The youngest in the companies history a fact that she was deservedly proud of. This led to a troubleshooting role at other branches of Sayers on the Wirral and in Chester. Arriving either by bus or on her trusty NSU moped she would sort out each branches short comings.  A job as an area manager was offered but as Di did not drive a car she turned it down despite the director offering to pay for lessons for her to learn. It was an indication that whilst she was very confident in some things she was less confident in others and sometimes doubted her own ability. This was never justified as she was one of the most able people I have known with apparently nothing able to faze her.

Before and after Work or School she would be found helping her sisters feed and bathe her nephews and neices. Leaving a special bond between them which still exists today and is shown by their attendance here today.

For vigorous relaxation Di loved dancing and as her mum and dad were coming back from a Saturday night out at the British Legion she would be just going out with her friend Charlotte to Leighton Court  night club to dance the night away until the early hours occasionally taking the milk off the milkman as he was delivering it in the morning. However, one night whilst her mum and dad were away on holiday she decided on an impromptu party and returned with a couple of DJ's from Leighton Court complete with Giant speakers and a motley collection of dubious partygoers. The ensuing party had the neighbours up in arms and a mammoth clean up was narrowly completed just before Sam and Gladys returned the next day.

In 1982 fate  intervened. My first marriage had unfortunately broken down several years previously and finding myself at her Sisters house for a Fancy dress party she arrived resplendent in a shiny silver mini dress which I later learned she called her "metal mickey" With her stunning red hair, gorgeous eyes and beautiful smile I was bowled over by my ex baby sitter. With a little constructed help from her eldest sister Pam our relationship began. Diane soon found my Handsome good looks, Humour and Charm irresitable..... Well maybe only 2 out of 3 of those qualities......or possibly just 1...... probably she just found something which could be improved on.

There began 3 decades of the most wonderful life either of us could wish to have. At the time I was working in export. We moved down to Bedfordshire to reduce the amount of travelling I was doing. We got married and  Mark and Sharon my children from my first marrage took to Di like a fish to water. No they didn't try to drown her they loved her. She treated them as her own and they loved her back. 
Di worried about meeting my customers and what they may think of her. I said just be yourself and they will love you because it is not often that they will meet someone as straightforward and honest as you. So she was just herself and they did love her and always asked after her. "And how is the beautiful Miss Diane" they would ask which always made her smile as it reminded her of the 60's soap Crossroads. 

A couple of years later we found out we were having twins of our own. Di was overjoyed......I was overdrawn..... having just been made redundant. So I started a new business whilst Di got on with homemaking and motherhood whilst doing my books at the same time. 

Di became one of the founder members of Tamba. The Twins and multiple births club.

Then came another hurdle to overcome. With Tom and Ann Marie just a few months old my mother had a stroke which left her severely disabled.   Di said lets convert the garage and she can live in there and I can look after her. So we did ....and she did. When one of the doctors found out he said "Why bother? she has probably only got another 6 months or so." 
"Because we can and we want to..... don't we Ian?" 
 So we converted the garage and mum came down and Di sorted the doctors, nurses, social services Uncle Tom Cobley and all. 
And looked after Tom and Ann and me and did my books and made a home.
A few months later one of my business contacts in Hong Kong called me and asked if I could find a good school in the Uk for his son Jeff. So Jeff arrived and went to Marlborough college and we looked after him on weekend breaks and picked him up from the airport and became his Guardians and went to parents evening and so on. Guess what. Di loved him as if he were her own because when you join our family you become family not a guest. 

 Jeff was joined by his cousin George, Then Georges brother William, Then cousins Paul and Toby.
And Di looked after Mum and Tom and Ann Marie and George, Will, Paul and Toby and did my books and made a home. 10 years after Mum had arrived for her 6 month stay she passed away. 
Before that over the years Mum had 3 extended stays in Hospital.Each time the doctors said that's it she has lost her limited mobility and will only be able to move with a wheelchair now. 3 times they forgot to tell Di and so with her usual determination she had Mum up and mobile again.

George brought his friends back for Di's dinners and they became our friends with requests for more dinners. An invite to one of Georges friends weddings followed.  These friends are returning that genorosity today by assisting with the catering later on. 
Jeff left to go to University in America. Where he qualified as an Architect and then started his own successful software business.
He married Kelly and then had  a daughter Emma and then twins James and Oliver. Diane looked upon them  as her own grandchildren. Our extended family was extending.
 In April on hearing of Dianes health problems he caught a plane and brought Kelly his wife and 3 children to see Diane.
The kids loved her and wrote poingnant messages and get well cards to her. Jeff and Kelly came back for Tom's wedding in July and then whilst attending a conference in Boston recently he heard about Di's condition deteriorating and immediately booked a flight to be with her arriving the day before she passed away and remains here to be with us today.

Meanwhile on the Isle of Man Sharon and Steve had brought our grandchildren Fallon, Rhian and Ben into the family. Rhian loved to call Di Big Red because of her hair, Fallon kept in touch with Di on the Internet and Ben who got married earlier this year to Naomi has taken it upon himself to repopulate the Isle of Man and has extended our family with 3 Great Grandchildren. Di loved keeping in touch and regretted that we could not visit more often. We had planned to visit them this week and take the gifts that Di had accumulated over the last few months.

Apart from family Di had  friends who will all share their memories of their time together.  Anne, Sue, Carole and Bev and many others will feel her loss and must have many fond memories. The friends she met at the Queens Head where Richard the landlord knew her favourite tipple of Tap water, Ice and a Slice topped off with a cocktail umberalla must have added enormously to his profits.  Although not the most regular of regulars Di loved the mix of people in the pub and the chat and banter usually left her in good spirits.

The Staff at Nic Tye's architects when George worked there looked forward to Di occasionally sending her Banana Cake in for their breaks. Bread and Ciape crackers were all made with consumate skill and distributed freely amongst family, friends, neighbours and even the ladies who run the Keech Cottage market stall received some. 

Di was full of Humour and had a keen eye for the unusual whilst we were walking around Venice last year she spotted a sandwich shop. As we were walking over I stopped to tie my laces. Looking up I saw her coming back towards me laughing. "Guess what" she said "The sandwich shop is closed for lunch." We had started to compile a book of Di's misquotes We had a title which was "Di versions". This included little gems such as the films Kill Billy instead of Kill Bill, AL instead of AI, Lets watch that new Shriek instead of Shreck. Look at that Panasonic  view. To name but a few. Di had an odd problem with one word. Pumpkin. She would say Punkin and I would say no its Pump kin. She would say Punkin again I would say say pump so she would say pump I would say now say kin and she would say kin. There now say Pumpkin and she would say Punkin.

Di set several targets which she managed to fulfill but most important were 2 weddings. Our Grandson Bens and our Son Tom's. She was made up to have another Mrs Jenks in the family.

A couple of days before she died. The specialist came to see her. Hello Diane are you all right?  With her typical sense of humour "No" she replied "I am half left."

So there we have a few memories and examples of Dianes amazing attributes. Kindness, Loving, Sharing a brilliant homemaker. Thats what she taught people. Help one another. Give and don't expect to receive. Birthdays and Christmas were always a nightmare. We all would ask Di what she wanted for Christmas. I don't need anything she would say I have everything I need. So we would buy her Marks and Sparks vouchers. Off to M&S we would trot and she would buy a top and then spend the rest of the money on presents for others.  The people here today and the people who cannot make it but would love to be here will all have their own memories maybe to share later on.

The love and warmth of comments we have received in cards and on her website just go to show that whilst incredibly modest she was highly thought of by so many. The humour and Love she gave and received helped her in recent times. She faced her adversary with courage, determination and humour. We have lost a good wife, mum, sister and friend. So many of us have gained so much from her. So much love, help and sharing.  A life well lived? Yes and more so.

So Nite Nite Di Well done and goodbye-but just for now.